They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
