I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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