every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
