there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
