So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
