since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
