I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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