My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
