i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
