it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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