butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
