We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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