Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
