eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
