shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
