I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
