best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You dont lie about slip and slides
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
