Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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