I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
