GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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