arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
