Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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