um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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