I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's the barista slut.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
