I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
