why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
