i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
