I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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