I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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