After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
