New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
