I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
