Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
