Who wears a wallet chain?!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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