Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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