I wish they made helmets for livers.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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