Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
