all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
