i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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