Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
