Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I had to cum in my sink.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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