You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found puke in my bra..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
