uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
