Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
