I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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