I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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