3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I need to align my fucking chakras
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
