escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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