Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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