R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
barbara walters just said penis...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
