You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
